Ran into Violet in the woods today. I demanded to know what she was doing skulking around the woods like a common polecat. “I could ask the same of you,” she hissed. And I was all, “Fuck you, I’M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!!" Our eyes locked in mutual suspicion, we slowly backed away from each other and bolted our separate ways. After a bit of laborious contemplation, I realize I should have dealt her the wages of sin on the spot, but it’s too late now. She is a simple sort, and further antagonism would only perplex her. Perhaps I’ll send her a box of those licorice candies she detests.