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Thursday, October 09, 2008

Late Morning

Earlier today I was returning from the kitchen with a piece of strawberry pie when I spied Rafe lying on the sofa, bleeding a bit at the nostril. “What did you do?” I asked, readying my fork. After a long pause and a series of pathetic sighs, he looked me in the eye. “I taunted a man on the street. He wanted my forty-three cents for a bus ticket to Saint Louis. I called him a cretin and a one-eyed fatty, so he lunged at the woman next to me and punched her in the nose. She apparently found this unfair, so she turned and punched me in the nose. Then I punched her back, and so forth. Anyway, there’s something burning in the foyer.” I set my pie on the mantle and hurried into the foyer, where I noticed the hat rack ablaze. I opened the door and threw the rack out. The fire quickly smoldered and extinguished. When I returned to the living room, Rafe was gone and my pie plate was empty. Am considering replacing the rack with a low porcelain shelf, as this is not the first time I’ve lost pie due to hat rack fire.


Blogger Ivan the Terrible said...

I think your root cause analysis needs a little work there still, Esther. Have you considered replacing Rafe with a low porcelain shelf? Or at least extinguishing the next hat rack fire by shoving it up his suspiciously commodious behind?

On the other hand, he is called Rafe. What an endearingly rascally scamp he must be! We just can't stay mad at him...

7:12 AM  
Blogger Shane said...

A porcelain pie? Tooth damage, further harm to Rafe, but a valuable lesson learned.

7:22 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

It's Rafe and his stupid fireworks hats that are to blame: "Ooh, I'll be the hit of the party!"

No, Rafe, you'll end up ruining everything as usual. Need I again bring up Grand Forks?

2:28 PM  
Blogger LeeAnn said...

A man who will steal pie is a man who will punch himself in the face and set fire to a hall rack so as to facilitate the theft.
I suspect I'm preaching to the choir on this issue.

5:20 PM  
Blogger Pearl said...

Coat racks are notorious for that sort of thing.


Lovely writing.


10:14 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

The same thing will happen to apple pie if you don't watch out.

8:54 PM  
Blogger Andraste said...

Oh for heaven's sake. Pie?

Might as well have been brie. Coat rack fires don't descriminate.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Patriot Xeno said...

about time for Rafe to go the way of Old Yeller, I dare say.

7:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

elegantly written and economically surreal. I want to create a perpetually burning hat stand!
rex Barker
(Research Fellow, Seaton Study Group)

5:56 AM  
Blogger PI said...

Readying your fork? To prong poor Rafe?

3:43 AM  
Anonymous Chris Anton said...

Tooth damage, further harm to Rafe, but a valuable lesson learned

5:57 PM  

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