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Topic Drift

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Late Morning

Earlier today I was returning from the kitchen with a piece of strawberry pie when I spied Rafe lying on the sofa, bleeding a bit at the nostril. “What did you do?” I asked, readying my fork. After a long pause and a series of pathetic sighs, he looked me in the eye. “I taunted a man on the street. He wanted my forty-three cents for a bus ticket to Saint Louis. I called him a cretin and a one-eyed fatty, so he lunged at the woman next to me and punched her in the nose. She apparently found this unfair, so she turned and punched me in the nose. Then I punched her back, and so forth. Anyway, there’s something burning in the foyer.” I set my pie on the mantle and hurried into the foyer, where I noticed the hat rack ablaze. I opened the door and threw the rack out. The fire quickly smoldered and extinguished. When I returned to the living room, Rafe was gone and my pie plate was empty. Am considering replacing the rack with a low porcelain shelf, as this is not the first time I’ve lost pie due to hat rack fire.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008


The current financial crisis reminds me of the time at camp when I was pulled from my bed at two in the morning and forced to search for owls. The counselors issued each camper a bit of red paper meant to be wrapped around the head of one’s flashlight, for science teaches us that light shot through red paper does not scare owls. We were to observe owls, not scare them; science teaches us that observing animals teaches us about science. At any rate, I didn’t find any owls. I also didn’t find any unopened bags of Doritos lying about, which is probably what I was really looking for.