Dear Secret St. Paul Friend aka "Karileigh," (shhhh!),
What are you doing? Sleeping, probably. It's about 900,000,000 in the morning. Very late! I've never been up until 900,000,000 o'clock before. It's a good thing I misunderstand living. It makes being up so late easier. As you can see, I am completely too tired and wired. Wired in two senses! Get it? I hope you get my joke regarding wired.
Maybe you want to go do something this week, or any other week. You can! But I meant, do something with ME, like eat some food in a restaurant or watch a No-Touch Car Wash for signs of touching. No touching at the no-touch car wash! Not allowed. Plus, you will be charged an additional fee.
I think I have a hive from stress. What do you have a hive from? Stress?
Why not tell me in a confidential email what you think of my proposition regarding eating? Everybody eats. Just put it into a confidential email to me.
I had this idea that I can make things in Appleworks and then shanghai them onto my blog with a system of levers and pulleys. Is this a possibility? Please tell me that I can do this. Also, please tell me that it will not harm me in the process. You know how much I hate things. I want Ulysses S. Grant and Little Edie in my blog banner. I also want a picture of Lady Justice. But instead of a sword and a balance dealy, I want her to be holding a couple magazines and a bologna sandwich. Have I said too much? I've read several confidential emails that have told me that my blog would become visually appealing with the addition of visually appealing appeals, such as visuals.
To make a long story short, write to me one (1) confidential email detailing your detailed answers to my urgent inquiries. Don't leave your confidential email in my comments field. Anyone can read that stuff.
All this and I'm still too awake to sleep. Fuck the police, eh? Eh? Eh? Speak up, I can't hear you.
What? I can't hear you over the sound of everyone striking me from their blogrolls. Now I've done it.