In the Meantime

Joseph Kynaston Snodgrass Tungsten Reeves tagged me for a meme while I wasn’t paying attention. I intend to supply my responses soonish – but in the meantime, I’ve created a meme for him. No one else is allowed to answer these questions. This is a one-man meme.


Private Meme for Squander Two Only NO ONE ELSE IS TAGGED AND HE CAN’T TAG ANYONE EITHER! HANDS OFF!

1. What is your favorite shade of yellow? You can’t say mustard – that one’s taken.

2. If you were a pregnant woman, which would you rather give birth to: a healthy baby stoat who wishes to study carpentry and will leave you without stretch marks, or a large human baby with rabies and a peg leg? Note: the human baby can also solve crimes.

3. Do you use a sawing motion when you floss your teeth? Because you’re not supposed to use a sawing motion.

4. If you had a 4-ft possum tail and you had to conceal it for an important business meeting, would you tape it to your back, or against your leg? You might also consider wrapping it around your abdomen, I suppose.

5. If you were a 200-meter tall man, where would you sit?

6. Who would you like to have drowned in chocolate? Who would you like to have drowned in borscht?

7. It turns out that Jerry Garcia is still alive and would like to hit the road again. Would you rather follow the Grateful Dead, or have the Grateful Dead follow you? You must choose one or the other. Please stop screaming.

UPDATE! He speaks!

Meat Analogue Sandwich

I am eating some sort of meat analogue sandwich on gluten-free bread. It's good, but not that good, because someone burned the meat analogue. What to do? It's hard to get good meat analogue these days. It's not like the old days, when an enterprising chap could simply step out his back door and pick his own analogue.

*sigh*

Thank you, I'll be here all week.

Goodbye, Blog Hiatus. Goodbye, Giant Nest.

Over the past few weeks I've been touring the country in a giant bird nest on wheels. During the daylight hours, I hitched rides by attaching my giant nest to the backside of cars; I'd stop at convenience stores to buy heat-lamp frankfurters and search for the Prophet Warren Jeffs. By night, I'd park my nest and read magazines by candlelight. Inevitably, the giant nest caught fire. To make matters worse, I never found the prophet - someone else got to him first - but I'm all caught up with my Smithsonian back issues. I say, did you know there are two Chinas, one rich and one poor? It's true, but not very interesting. I find myself bored with China. All that land and no Six Flags water parks. Wasteful.

I was careful to wear a short scarf, so as to keep it from tangling in the nest wheels